I'm just tired of it all

I'm tired.

Tired of this stupid illness, tired of being the punching bag in this family, tired of being flat out punched, tired of having teachers talk about me behind my back and share my medical history ( or what little they know of it ), tired of having parents that don't care, tired of coming to school sobbing, tired of fearing that a teacher is going to call child protective services... again, tired of having to call my therapist, tired of having to miss class because of panic or some other reason, tired of people saying they understand what I'm going through, tired of sleeping, tired of not being able to sleep, tired of crying, tired of having to plaster on a smile all day when all i want to do is curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out, tired of telling people I'm ok when everyone knows I'm falling apart, tired of the changes, tired of living here, tired of having to hide in my room so i don't get hurt, tired of having to take on the mother responsibilities in my family, tired of having to sort out pills and make sure everyone takes what they need to, tired of making sure the lights are turned off and the doors are locked before I go to sleep, tired of this freaking heater not working, tired of being sick, tired of having a grandfather who is going to die soon, tired of having to help my mom deal with her emotions regarding my grandfather, tired of having to play into his delusions to calm him down, tired of pain, tired of sorrow, and tired of being tired.

I'm just tired and I don't know how much longer I can take it.