DONE!

Well something messed up below so this is half way a test and half way an update.

I JUST FINISHED MY LAST DAY OF HIGH SCHOOL!!!

Yay me! I have been reflecting on all of the people I have had in my life that have make it so that I can graduate. It seemed like it was just one obstacle after another but somehow I carved my own path, made a precedent for others with anxiety, depression and learning disabilities, and made it out alive.

Now for college.

I want to remember that the hardest part of today was not the fit my mother threw, being 3 seconds away from not being allowed into the room to test because I was late, or any of those things.
I want to remember how hard it was for me to shed my title of student. I walked through a door and BAM I'm not a student anymore. I did it, it wasn't easy, but I did it.

Insert Title Here

It's been a long time since I posted something here so I figured I might as well write something. I didn't want to because I was afraid someone else would die after I posted something not about death. For a few months there every time it rained for more than two days in a row someone would die. Needless to say I still get apprehensive when the forecast calls for a week of rain. 

So what have I been up to?

I graduate High School on June 10th (Praise God!)

My mother had her surgery but there were complications and the surgeon couldn't do everything so she goes back in late June/July to have it completed

I'm working on moving out and into the condo my Grandfather lived in before he went to live in Indianapolis 

Lots and lots of drs appointments because of some random things that need to be checked out but also I got super sick and asthma started to act up because of that but there was a lot of smoke in the air from forest fires in the state


Thats really about it. 

Stats

5 deaths in 2 months.
3 Funerals
1.5 Weeks with Dr. R on vacation.
1 Appointment and 2 phone calls with back up therapist.
1 Breakup
8th in the Kaiser Permanente test at HOSA
2 Months since I dx my mother with sleep apnea and she finally gets it checked out
82 Times per hour she stops breathing while sleeping
69% O2 stating while she sleeps
2+ Hysterical breakdowns
86 Sleepless nights
1 Allergic Reaction to my Asthma meds
2 People I pushed away that haven't come back
1 Surgery planned for my mother next month
1 Surgery planned for my mother next month that I don't want her to get
26 Adivans consumed in the past 15 days
1 Asthma attack
2 Days I decided not to go to school for mental rest days
2 Kidneys that are acting up again
7 Days until I have to give a final answer on attending HOSA Nationals 3000+ miles away
3 Days until Dr R gets back
1 Moment at a time is all I can handle
1 Confidence that things will get better (they can't get much worse right now *knock on wood!* )

Again, no words

Another tragic death of another wonderful student at my school has happened. Noah, a freshman, and the boy who sat next to my brother in Biology class committed suicide on March 4th. No one suspected anything and Noah hid all of the signs of depression oh so well. Noah is and will forever be missed.

This one hits home given my past summer where I narrowly avoided my own suicide. I wont dive into details but it is safe to say that this death, like Katie's death, had forever changed the students at my school, including me.

Please pray for the family (God knows who the prayers are meant for) to give them peace from the guilt, strength that only the Father can provide and the ability to not move on, but to move forward in due time.

There are no words.

Last night one of my classmates passed away from flu complications. She was fine on Monday and Thursday night she is gone. Everyone at the school is barley functioning. The Crisis team has been called in and they are sending several students and teachers home that just could not function. Some teachers chose to remain home after hearing the news this morning. 

The girl, Katie, was a wonderful young woman who aspired to become a vet. She had a heart of gold and a love for animals. She ran the Environmental club and started a project that is in effect at my school for abused Tiger rescue. She was quiet, but touched the heart of everyone that she met. She will be missed by thousands at the school, her friends, her boyfriend and her family.

Please pray for this family, for the boyfriend, for her friends, for our school and community. 

Please pray for healing, for comfort, for strength, for us all to find a new normal as we adjust to Katie not being there. And please, pray that those who need help coping who have not already received help will have the courage to get help. There is no shame in needing to lean on someone during this difficult time, yet there is a stigma associated with needing help.

And if the loss of Katie was not enough for one day:

The school was also at danger today. The school is located across the street from a mall where someone was robbed and the robber had a knife (although there were also reports of a gun too).

I believe that Katie was an organ donor and I pray that her organs were allowed to be used and were given to people who will life life to the fullest. Please pray that (assuming her organs were donated) the organ recipient is healing and will live their second chance at life to the fullest. 

I will leave you with a song. It was written in a children book like manner for a blogger who I followed. She sadly passed away waiting for her second lung transplant. Here is the link The Girl Whos Hair Was on Fire

Test Results

I got tested and no TB! Yay!

However there were a few people who were positive and had to go get further testing. The 'I am going to be a nurse and I can't just not do anything' part of me came out when there was one of my classmates that was going to be rushed to the hospital. She was given no information on anything all they said was her test was 5mm and that was not good. They sat her down at a table by herself and left her alone.
Scared and alone do not mix.
I know that one personally.
So I sat with her. I got yelled at but who cares. She needed someone and everyone else was scared to even go near her. I waited until her mother arrived and even her mother was scared to be near her. All she needed was someone to hold her hand and listen to her fears. I may not be able to do much, but that I can do.

And separate from all of that I now have bronchitis. Woo! But hey at least I don't have TB and I have been having amazing hair days lately so that makes up for a lot of it.

Y'all Hear? We Got Ourselves Sum Racists Down Here in Good Ole NC!

You know what I am sick of? TB


My high school had a student that had active TB and he was unaware he had it. When he moved last month his new school tested him as a routine entrance test. Everyone gets it. However, he was positive, and come to find out he has had active TB for a few months. He was in the hospital and is receiving the proper medical care he needs.


I do not know how he got it but I do know that before he moved he was in my science class. So that means that I was in a small group of less that 100 people that are now required by NC law to be tested for TB because we were exposed every day for a little over 5 months. 


I don't really care that I might have it. 


OK, well, no.
I do care, BUT I can deal with that. 


The NC TB Task Force (I find it hilarious that this is a real thing!) is handling this. All of us that were directly exposed through classes or being on his bus are going to have a health screening and TB test on Friday and it will be read on Monday. (Although my mother freaked out and I already got a TB test, just to have to legally get another one or be forced into quarantine for 6 months)


What I am really sick of is the people and the media. I hate looking outside the window of the school and seeing TV news groups in front of the school. Or the people that pass by our school and have these sad "Aw, they are all going to die. How sad!" faces on. I can't stand that. But what I hate the most? The comments on the news report's website.


Things like
"Praying for them all, and for their families.

TB was largely eradicated in the US due to vaccinations. Expect this and other diseases to increase dramatically with the open door policy on the southern US border.

AMEN, AND AMEN!!!

Those people come in with no physicals, no medical certificates, no shots."

UMM WHAT?

OK, so yes there are a few people in my science class that are of Mexican/Spanish descent and some that are immigrants and who knows maybe some are not legal here but they all speak English. They are nice people, not these infectious germ pools of people that the media and its ignorant readers are making them out to be. 

And guess what? 

THE KID THAT HAD TB WAS WHITE.

I MEAN SUN-BURN-IN-THE-SHADE WHITE. 

And I can say that because I am more pale than he is. 

Also, people are praying for us?

Well I mean that's fine and dandy and more power to ya, but if your trying to be calming and helpful announcing that you are praying that we don't die is not the way to do it. Students read these comments and we are freaked out beyond belief as it. Please, pray if you want to, but also, PLEASE do not feel the need to announce it to us. We are intelligent people and yes we might all be taking medication for this in a week or two, and yes it 100% sucked to have to get this news not only on a Monday but the first day back from winter break. 

All I am saying is that ignorant people like that make me angry. The news teams that do not have all the facts and are assuming things and then broadcasting those things make me angry.I already have no control over this, but please world, state, area I live in- PLEASE do not be so stupid and racist!

I do not mind answering questions, in fact I would love to help people understand the situation better; just ask! But assuming that the peers I have are making an unsafe world for me is racist and that is not acceptable.