I Am With You Because You Remember Me

Today is my Grandmother's birthday. Today she would have been 92 years old. Today I should be going to visit her in the nursing home and bringing a cake. Today I should be answering the phone for her and talking to her sisters, updating them about how she is doing. Today I should be spoon feeding my Grandmother chocolate pudding, handing her jellybeans, and enjoying the one perk of Alzheimer's- being able to give the same gift about 30 times each with a caring, loving and grateful reaction from my Grandmother. Today I should be laying in bed with her napping. Today I should be celebrating.

Instead I will be going to therapy. Instead I will be mourning the loss of the most amazing woman I have ever met. Instead of singing happy birthday, I will be listening to her favorite song hoping she can hear it. Instead of watching her eat cake, I will be picturing her eating cake in Heaven. Instead of having balloons to hand to her I will be writing loving messages on them and releasing them to the sky.

Today there should  be happiness. Instead there will be sorrow and tears as another reminder of not having her here is rubbed in my face.