Its Gonna Take More Than This to Knock Me Down

Don't you wish we did drugs?

Or drank too much?

Or shot something into a vein?

I mean nothing that would ruin your life or make you have to go to meetings where you say "Hi I'm Kathryn and I'm an alcoholic" but just, don't you wish you had something to put on top of it all to make it feel better?

Some people put food on top of it. They put a bag of Hershey kisses or a pizza or a pint of Ben and Jerry's and it makes it all better. But that just doesn't work for me I don't have anything!

But ya know what? I may not be able to eat anything, and I may be able to cry on a moments notice, and I may be the person who cant sit through a class but you know what I can do? I can fight every fiber of my being to not go curl up in a ball in my closet, I can ask for help when I need it, I am aware of the things that are happening to me, and most days, when all I want to do is lay in bed and cry my eyes out- I can have the strength to get out of bed. It may not be much, and most people don't know how much of an accomplishment that is, but I'm not self destructing, instead I'm living.

And I think if we can get through the toughest, lowest parts in our lives without self destructing, no matter how we got through it, was the right choice. We don't have to lay in bed months or years later wondering "Did I do the right thing" ? Instead we can look back and say "I'm standing here today, there was a time when that wasn't a guarantee, there were times when I wanted it all to end and would give anything for it to just stop. But I am here, and that in and of itself is near bout as close to a miracle that we can see this side of Heaven".