I Dont Need Help, and Im Not Asking for Any

So, not many people read this blog. I'm fine with that, really. I'm not striving to become some overrated blogger who makes money off of writing or anything. This was originally started to try and find others out there in my situation, however it quickly transformed into my weekly rantings on life, my situation, and well more life.

Starting out I knew this all had a potential to blow up in my face. I knew that there might be someone out there who would look at this and think of it as some cry for help from some poor defenseless child who is in an abusive and hostile situation. I knew that I would be posting things on the Internet and whenever someone posts something on the Internet they have the potential to come back and bite them. I also knew that what I wrote could be accessed by anyone.

Taking all of these things into consideration I was careful when I wrote my posts. My angered, irrational, therapeutic posts. I made sure not to mention names. When I referenced a teacher, those I wanted to know who I was talking about fully understood who I was talking about. Doctors, therapists, etc all are abbreviated. Dr. R ? I mean really? Even I have two Dr.R's in my life. No one is going to be able to tell who that Dr is. And I made it like that on purpose. The only name I used was my own. I don't care if that is out there. I mean really think about how many Kathryn's there are out there. Its my name and I can do what I want with it. Heck I can rent a billboard and just post my entire name, address, and blood type. Its my information and I am free to do with it what I want. (oh I'm O+ by the way and yes, I am a blood and organ donor and I encourage you to be too)

I don't regret starting this blog, I don't live with regrets. They serve no positive function in life so I don't have any. It's simple and clear cut. Don't read into it; please.

Now I have had this blog for ooh lets say 4 months give or take. Ive posted not even 20 times. And several of those posts (possibly all but the first one) were rants.

Rants are good. Venting is healthy. Talking things out is healthy. If it wasn't, well then I might just give up talking too.

But I think I need to set a few things straight, so here goes.

My family is loud. My family could be described as 'dysfunctional'. My family drives me INSANE some days. My 'normal' (that's a relative term, no one is normal) is not what others commonly perceive as normal or healthy. Some days I'm a wreck. Some days my family members are a wreck. We don't function like other families do. Some people worry about me and my 'situation'.

But let me get one thing crystal clear right now.

I love my family with all of my soul, all of my being. I love my Mother, I love my Father, and I love my baby brother. Nothing in this entire world can change that.

Now I can sit here and write bad things about them all day, but I'm not going to write bad things about your family. I expect and deserve the exact same from everyone else out there.

Members of my family have a disease. This disease affects the entire family in one way or another. However we are all getting the help we need from professionals who know how to handle the disease in all aspects.

People can say that I live in a bad environment, that I have had a bad life, or that I deserve better.

Here's the thing.

My environment is just different. I have learned in my life how to deal with it, how to thrive in it and how to accept it as my normal, everyday life. I have a WONDERFUL life, I LOVE my life, I will spend my life thanking God for allowing me to live it! I have so much to be thankful for and I am eternally grateful for everything. God gave me this life. He gave me this life for a reason. Why? Well I'm not quite sure yet, and I may never be. But I was put in this specific situation for a reason and I am thankful for everything this life has, and will (Lord willing) give me. All of the lessons, all of the wisdom, and all of the things that I have seen and experienced, even if that experience was less than ideal.

At the age of 8 I learned how to stick up for myself and get what I needed. I learned what the term 'advocate' meant. I learned how to stand my ground. I learned how to ask for help. I learned how to call DSS and who to tell things to so that if DSS needed to be contacted, they were. I learned that not everyone needed to know my family's business. I learned that people can freak out when they learn everything.

Now this post has been all over the place, I know that. And its not the most ideal place to stop writing, but well, life isn't necessarily ideal. The entire point is, If I need help I know how to ask for it. Currently I am not in need of any help. If there are people out there wanting to help others, there are ways you can.

One thing that is always in need of volunteers is Hopeline. http://www.hopeline.com/

It is a wonderful foundation where people can call in and speak to a real, live person about their problems. These people are asking for help, and need help. Some (if not most) are suicidal and are reaching out to someone, anyone, for help. They train you, and one can really make the difference in someones life. Someone who needs help.

If you are looking to help someone, if you think you've found your calling in life to help people, if your bored and have no hobbies, anything! Please, think about volunteering there.