The Moms Stronger Than Moms - Adoptive Moms

Today my world was rocked.

Since I was little I have always contemplated adoption over having children of my own. Since my brother was born ( I was almost 3 at the time ) and my mother had serious complications from child birth I was afraid of having children of my own. Then when I learned the whole labor part of child birth I was convinced that I would NEVER become pregnant. When my mom got sick I promised myself that should I ever be diagnosed as bipolar I will give up my dream of having 4 children. My Dr once brought up adoption to me when I told her about that and I said no, that I would never put a child through that.

However, being a mom is always something I have wanted to do, I have possibly the strongest maternal instinct on the face of the earth. I mean I can hear a child cry in the grocery store and tell you what they are feeling. And adoption was never ruled out in my mind but over the years Ive come to realize the things that I would miss out on if I never was pregnant. Feeling the baby kick, breastfeeding, having me and my husband fight over who's ear's the baby has, things like that. Also the whole adoption process has become more complicated as I have learned more about it. My cousin was adopted and before that I never even knew there was a waiting period. I guess I thought you just signed some papers, went to an orphanage, pointed to a child and said this one and just like that bam you've got yourself a baby. Kinda like the process of getting a dog from the pound. But I was little and I didn't know anything about it.

But foster care has always been something Ive wanted to do. I haven't thought about it in a few years but tonight I had to. See before tonight I, well honestly I cant remember what I thought about foster parents. I guess I thought they just provided a home for a child. Nothing more, nothing less. I thought there was some sort of protection that went off in your head to help you cope with children coming and going from your house.

What I didn't realize is that it is not possible to do these things.

Tonight (and again tomorrow) I babysat two children. They are brother and sister. The sister is going to be 6 in a few days and brother is almost 4. They are foster children. At first I was reluctant to try and get to know them but after 20 minutes of talking about favorite colors and what they like to eat I decided that we would be spending several hours together this weekend and I should at least try to get to know them and not be a jerk. It took a while but their true colors started showing, I learned what makes them tic, how they get attention, that they don't want to go to bed and that they love Go Diego Go. We were coloring and the little girl drew me a picture and she wrote "I love you" on the top and and handed it to me. I was, well there arnt words. Because I have heard how hard adoption is, especially adopting from foster care.

I have heard people saying that they are afraid that at any moment, until the court approves it someone can take these children away at any moment. I know the facts I really do. But I thought that you could make yourself not get so attached. I am attached to these children and I do not know if the foster mother is planning on adopting them or not. But it did dawn on me that in 3 weeks I could be babysitting an entirely different child. I could never see this sweet little brother and sister duo ever again in my life. That they could be gone.

How do you not get attached to a child? It is impossible. At least for me it is.

But every day foster parents who love these children as if they were their own (because they are caring for them as if they were their own) have to say good bye to the son/daughter figure in their life they have grown to love.

I have gained an entirely new respect for anyone going through an adoption process, anyone who has gone through it, and especially foster parents.

Until today (despite having my one and only cousin be from China) I didn't think it was possible for a mother of an adopted child to love them like they would a biological child. That sounds horrible I know, and I know they love them to death, but I always thought that there was a difference. Tonight I learned I was wrong. Those parents of adopted children love them the exact same as they would a biological child, and possibly more.

They didnt have to go through labor like some moms do, but these moms and dads had to suffer through the waiting, anxiety, fear, and heartbreak to get their child. Every time that a foster child is moved the foster parent(s) have a part of their heart ripped apart.

After just spending a few hours with these children today, I realized my heroes in life are foster/adoptive parents.